SHORT CHRISTMAS QUOTES FUNNY

“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” – Victor Borge

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” – George Carlin

“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.” – Shirley Temple

“The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.” – Elf

“Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.” – Unknown

“The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.” – Johnny Carson

“I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.” – Henny Youngman

“Do give books – religious or otherwise – for Christmas. They’re never fattening, seldom sinful, and permanently personal.” – Lenore Hershey

“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” – Victor Borge

“I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up – they have no holidays.” – Henny Youngman

“At Christmas, all roads lead home.” – Marjorie Holmes

“Christmas is like candy; it slowly melts in your mouth sweetening every taste bud, making you wish it could last forever.” – Richelle E. Goodrich

“Who’s the bane of Santa’s life? The elf and safety officer!” – Catherine Tate

“Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.” – Unknown

“Santa saw your Instagram pictures. You’re getting clothes and a dictionary for Christmas.” – Unknown

“Three Wise WOMEN would have asked directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, bought practical gifts, cleaned the stable, made a casserole, and there would be peace on earth!” – Anonymous

“Keep calm and jingle on.” – Unknown

“Not to get too technical here, but according to chemistry, alcohol IS a solution.” – Unknown

“Gin-gle bells, gin-gle bells, gin-gle all the way. Oh what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sauerkraut.” – Unknown

“Christmas: The only time of year you can sit in front of a dead tree eating candy out of socks.” – Anonymous

“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, but if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red.” – Unknown