“Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Okay, most of the year. Well, once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own presents.”

“Christmas is a time when you get homesick – even when you’re home.” – Carol Nelson

“Three phrases that sum up Christmas: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries not Included.” – unknown

“I’m dreaming of a White Christmas. But if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red!”

“Christmas is a magical time of year… I just watched all my money magically disappear.”

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” – George Carlin

“Christmas: It’s the only time of year when you can sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of socks.”

“Whoever said ‘All is calm, all is bright’ clearly hasn’t been to my house on Christmas morning.”

“The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear. Or bringing a case of wine, whatever works.”

“Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year, you’re only getting clothes and a Bible.”

“Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.”

“I’m only a morning person on December 25th.”

“Christmas: the only time of year you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of stockings.”

“Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.” – Gary Allan

“Christmas is like candy; it slowly melts in your mouth, sweetening every taste bud, making you wish it could last forever.” – Richelle E. Goodrich

“I don’t know if the Christmas season has a type of FOMO, but I sure am feeling it.”

“Christmas calories don’t count… until January.”

“The awkward moment when Santa Claus has the same wrapping paper as your parents.”

“To all of my friends who received a Christmas card from me, I’m getting married in Hawaii. Oops, I meant, “Wish you were here!”

“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, but if the white runs out, pour me some mulled wine!”

“Dear Santa, this year, please bring me a fat bank account and a slim body. And please, don’t mix those two up like you did last year!”